Most of us have a troubled relationship with uncertainty, often without even knowing it.
I’m on this table as well so don’t worry, we’re in this together.
Our most troublesome problems often stem from uncertainty: procrastination, overwhelm, distraction, anxiety, frustration with others, beating ourselves up, trouble with forming (or quitting) habits, health issues, relationship issues, financial issues, control or if you’re like me, perfectionist issues.
At the root of these is our troubled relationship with uncertainty. We don’t like uncertainty; we want to avoid or control uncertainty; we get stressed when we can’t. And uncertainty is unavoidable: everything is uncertain all the time!
The good news is that uncertainty doesn’t have to be this terrible thing that we hate and need to avoid. In fact… we can find joy in uncertainty.
We can make peace with uncertainty, and fall in love with it.
This new relationship with uncertainty can unlock so much for us — freedom and joy and the ability to take on whatever we want.
Let’s dive in!
Making peace with in Uncertainty
We might instinctively dislike uncertainty, but in truth, we would be so bored without it. Imagine watching a movie and always knowing how it turns out, or reading the same book over and over. We want a surprise, adventure, and possibility.
Uncertainty is the place where we learn — if we are certain about something, there’s nothing new to learn. It’s the place where we form intimate relationships, create art, make something new. It’s the place of discovery, play, dance, growth. It’s the prerequisite for all of this!
Connect with the times when you’ve felt the most meaning and joy: these times were filled with delicious uncertainty! You didn’t know what was going to happen but something great happened. It was like a miracle.
Imagine going out into the unknown, on an adventure, and making peace with it.
Imagine doing something meaningful for someone, with uncertainty along for the ride, adding so much meaning to the endeavor.
Imagine the uncertainty and dance of a new relationship, the vulnerability, and the discovery of it.
Notice the uncertainty in your life right now: is there a way you could be grateful for it? Can you savor it, like a delicious dessert? Can you make peace with it, like a newly discovered aria?
Can you allow yourself to open to it, and fall in love with the uncertainty of your life?
How to Practice
Of course, this doesn’t come naturally to most of us. We like our routine, we like our control, we like solid ground under our feet. Unfortunately, life doesn’t let us have that solid ground. Or maybe I should say “fortunately,” because life would be dull and meaningless without groundlessness and uncertainty.
So … how can we learn to delight in uncertainty? Practice.
Here’s the practice you might try:
- Notice the uncertainty in a task. A good signal that you’re feeling uncertainty is that you feel like avoiding it. If that’s the case, notice how turning towards the task (even thinking about it) causes you to feel, as a bodily sensation. This is how uncertainty feels in your body!
- Commit to dancing with it. Turning away from the uncertainty gives you certain predictable results in your life. What would it be like to do something different? Commit to doing something different: face it, be with it, dance with it. Give yourself 10 minutes to be with the uncertainty of this task.
- See the opportunity in the task, see the joy in it. What could you do with this task that would light you up?
- Let yourself move, physically. Get up and move. Dance, do some exercise, walk, jump! If we’re stuck sitting, it’s harder to feel delight. We need to move and see what the world is like in this moment — look around, make peace in this ever changing moment, and full appreciation for life!
What delight can you find in this task, at this moment?
Keep practicing, each day, and see what happens in your life!